


rip to my youth

by guanlin



Category: Kpop - Fandom, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Banter, Basically, Fluff, M/M, ok so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 07:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8004151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guanlin/pseuds/guanlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jun scratches his head awkwardly.<br/>“Jihoon said we look at each other differently to how we look at everyone else.” <br/>Minghao’s breath leaves his body.<br/>“We do?” he asks and his voice, even to his own ears sounds strangely hopeful. Minghao does not want to know what’s up with that. Everything falls into place. Minghao is stupid. He knows what’s up with that.<br/>“Yeah,” Junhui breathes, “I guess we do.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	rip to my youth

i.

It is a Sunday when Minghao leaves China, the only home he’s ever known, to come to Korea. He is young, too young really, to have to leave his family in one country and begin living in a new one. There is still baby fat clinging to his cheeks, still scars on his knees from when he scraped them on the rough sidewalks of his hometown during childhood. His heart is young, yet to be broken, still full with a naïve sort of hope that things will be easy for him here on out. 

 

He thinks about this as he’s on the plane to Seoul, thinks about it when he meets his new manager and with his head against the window of the car he is picked up in, watching thousands upon thousands of concrete giants and monsters, waiting to swallow his little boy heart whole. His manager doesn’t - can’t - speak to him the whole way through the Pledis building. Its awkward, Minghao can tell the man keeps going to say things and stops. He knows Minghao won’t understand. The boy is vaguely aware ‘Manager hyung’ is probably searching for someone that can translate for him, or maybe someone to leave him with that isn’t him. Minghao feels useless and starts to feel regret claw at the bottom of his stomach. He takes a deep breath and reminds himself that this is always what he’s wanted and he cannot let his dream slip through his fingers all because of a language barrier. He came here to dance, not to speak. 

 

Minghao is so deep in thought that when his manager stops, he runs straight into the back of him and stumbles for a second. He can feel an embarrassed flush on his cheeks and when he mumbles one of the only korean words he knows - sorry-, he is looking at the ground. Manager pats his shoulder and turns away from him and towards a white door with some korean characters that Minghao can only hope he’ll be able to understand in the future. Manager pushes the door open and sticks his head inside. The chatter from inside the room stops abruptly as Manager calls out a name and then continues when a boy, around Minghao’s age, emerges from the door. He’s handsome, Minghao supposes, or has the potential to be atleast - tall, dark hair, pretty eyes - classic idol material. The boy looks at him for a second before switching to looking at the manager, looking confused. Manager murmurs something in Korean to them and the boy immediately lights up and turns to Minghao, he looks as if he’s going to pounce on him so Minghao steps back slightly and the boy seems to understand what’s happening and subsequently pipes down. The boy says something to the manager and he pats Minghao’s shoulder before leaving.

“Um,” Minghao eloquently begins, not really understanding how leaving him with another Korean was going to help anything until the boy suddenly greets him in perfect Chinese. His voice is deep but still holds a childishness to it. He has not been exposed to the hardships of the adult world, nothing has stolen youth away from him yet.

“I’m Junhui! Who are you?”

 

This is how it begins. 

 

ii. 

Minghao latches onto Junhui after that. He is the only thing tethering Minghao to the other members before he gets to learn Korean and is therefore, never any more than five metres away from him at all times. Though, that did not mean the relationship between them was one sided. Minghao’s affections were returned just as much, if not more. At one point, one of the beds in their dorm breaks and is sent for repairs. There is no question about who is to sleep together, cramped up in one of their tiny single beds. Everyone immediately turns to Jun and Minghao. They end up having to sleep together for two and a half weeks and Minghao finds out the hard way how much Junhui likes to cuddle in his sleep. He finds it annoying for the first couple of nights but then finds a way to sleep comfortably even with all four of Junhui’s limbs wrapped around him. 

 

On the fifth morning, Mingyu walks into their shared bedroom to find Jun and Minghao nestled together, Jun’s face hides in the long column of the other boy’s neck and Minghao’s slender fingers settle on Junhui’s tanned hip, his shirt having ridden up in the night. Mingyu snaps a picture and sends it to the group chat titled ‘Sevenmemes’. Everyone coos and when Minghao and Jun wake up and are scrolling through the messages, Minghao looks over to see if Jun was embarrassed as he is and, to his surprise, sees Jun just chuckling at the other member’s reactions and calmly setting the photo as his phone background. When Minghao looks at him questioningly, Jun raises his hands. 

“What, Hao? It’s cute, isn’t it?” 

Minghao looks at the picture once more and begrudgingly agrees.

“Sure,” he grumbles. 

 

*

 

Later that day, Mingyu pulls Minghao to the side at dance practice and keeps his spindly wrist in his grasp so he can’t run away. 

“Do you like Jun?” he asks.

Minghao frowns for a second as he’s translating. He can feel Jun’s questioning eyes on his back.

“Yes, of course I like Jun. He’s my bestfriend.”

Mingyu rolls his eyes and tugs on Minghao’s wrist so he’s pulled closer. He looks the practice room for a second before leaning down and whispering in his ear.

“I mean do you _like like_ Jun?”

Minghao jolts back, surprised.

“I-“ he begins, “Of course not! Jun-Hyung is a boy!”

Mingyu shrugs. 

“It’s fine to like boys, Minghao.”

“Well I don’t,” Minghao hisses and steps even further back, “Why would you even think that?”

“The photo, this morning?”

“What? So Jun cuddles in his sleep, so what bro, neither of us _asked_ to sleep together!”

“Yeah,” the other boy says, “But that doesn’t explain why you’re always together, or- or why you shower together!”

“We are legit all together all of the time, Mingyu, we live together. He and I shower together sometimes because it takes less time. You and Wonwoo hyung shower together and you’re not together!”  
Mingyu looks around again and pulls Minghao closer.

“But we _are_.”

Minghao splutters.

“ _WHAT?”_

Everyone looks at them and Mingyu shushes him, laughing awkwardly at the others.

“When were you planning on telling me that, you fucktard. Do you have any idea how risky getting into a relationship with someone in the same band as you is?”

Mingyu sighs. 

“Dude, yes, of course I do. It wasn’t meant to happen, like i didn’t plan on liking boys or whatever but it happened and you and Jun-hyung behave exactly how Wonwoo and I do.”  
Minghao false starts a sentence for a minute before sighing and trying to sort out his thoughts. 

“I’m - I don’t like Jun hyung like that, okay?” he asks timidly and Mingyu sighs. There is something in his eyes, something like sadness but not really. He hugs Minghao tight and mumbles a quiet ‘okay’ into his shoulder. 

 

* 

Minghao catches Mingyu and Wonwoo together a couple of days later in one of the practice rooms. It’s late, getting on towards midnight, and atleast nine of the thirteen members are already asleep - including junhui. Minghao had patted his mop of brown hair as he’d left and Jun had snored loudly and rolled over. Only one set of lights are on when he walks into the room and Mingyu is sitting on one of the tables stacked up in the corner whilst Wonwoo stands in between his legs. They are kissing, hungrily, passionately, like this is their last minute on earth and they are trying to climb inside of each other. It is two parts beautiful and one part obscene. Minghao sort of just stands there, watching them for a second. Mingyu is running his hands over Wonwoo’s shoulders, as if he’s trying to find something, trying to read Wonwoo’s very skin. Wonwoo is pushing himself close to Mingyu, clinging to his hips and he’s whispering something over and over again between kisses. Minghao realises it is ‘I love you so much’. He leaves with the quiet realisation that Mingyu and Wonwoo are in love. He wonders what it feels like, makes a mental note to ask Mingyu and prays to God that they can stay together, that idol life and the real world won’t break their hearts so much as the other can’t fix it. He prays that he can be that in love with someone one day. 

 

 

iii.

Two weeks till debut, Seungcheol starts sneaking out of the dorms and not returning till early morning. He is tired all the time, grumpy all the time and what Seungcheol feels, everyone else feels too. The band spirit quickly fades away and for a couple of days, no one really talks to each other. Minghao and Jun are still together of course and so are Mingyu and Wonwoo but everyone else stays away from each other. They miss out on a lot of important practices and things are slowly slipping away. When Minghao asks Jisoo what’s wrong with Seungcheol, Jisoo replies ‘he’s in love.’ Junhui tells him later there are two types of love, healthy and unhealthy. Seungcheol’s love is poison. It is a girl named Jae-eun and she is an underground rapper, not unlike Seungcheol. They love each other a lot, but they fight too much and Seungcheol is tired. One morning, when Seungcheol returns, Jeonghan punches him in the face. 

 

Everyone is standing at their respective bedroom doors in stunned silence. Seungcheol brings a hand to his bleeding nose and brings it back down again. His face doesn’t change. 

“What are you fucking doing, Seungcheol?” Jeonghan asks him coldly and Seungcheol just looks at him. Junhui wraps an arm around Minghao and pulls him closer. Minghao can’t work out whether it’s to shield Minghao or himself. 

“We are one week until we debut, Cheol, and you fuck off and do this. We need you right now, more than we’ve ever needed you. And you’re tearing us apart.”  
Minghao can feel his shirt wetting and he doesn’t need to turn around to confirm that Junhui is crying. Seungcheol turns to them, sees how tired they look, watches Seungkwan, Mingyu, Hansol, Chan and Junhui crying. His lips quiver and he turns to Jeonghan, who embraces him tightly. They all watch Seungcheol sob into Jeonghan’s shirt and Jeonghan sways them slightly, pets Seungcheol’s hair and whispers into his ear. 

“It’s okay,” he says. It is not okay. Seungcheol never sees Jae-eun again. 

 

* 

Over Seungcheol’s shoulder, Jeonghan gestures for them all to return to their rooms and Minghao turns around and ducks under Jun’s arm, tugging his best friend with him into their room and shutting the door. As soon as Minghao turns around again, Jun has collapsed onto him, thrown his arms around his neck. He’s sobbing and Minghao can feel Jun’s tears, hot against his neck. Immediately, Minghao wraps his arms around Jun’s waist, rubs a hand soothingly against the small of his back. This is intimate, maybe too much for a couple of ‘friends’ but Jun is upset and that’s the only thing he can think about right now, making him feel better. 

“Shh,” he coos, “Shh, Junnie, it’s alright. It’s alright. Everyone’s okay.”

“He loved her,” Jun sobs and Minghao’s heart breaks a little.

“Poison,” Minghao murmurs into Jun’s hair, “It wasn’t good for either of them. Shh, baby, come on.”  
Minghao leads Junhui to his bed and settles down against the headboard so Jun can crawl into his lap. When Jun tucks his head under Minghao’s chin, Minghao cannot help thinking about Mingyu and Wonwoo, cannot help thinking that maybe in another life, he and Jun could have been something. Jun is shaking and shivering and Minghao draws him closer, cradles him, hopes to God that whatever is hurting Jun so much right now - and he knows its not just Seungcheol- will stop soon because it’s like hurting himself. Minghao feels like adulthood has finally caught up with Jun and knocked him off his feet. Minghao rocks Jun like a baby, threads fingers through his hair, kisses his forehead -anything to make the pain stop. 

 

Jun lifts his head and looks into Minghao’s eyes. In that moment, Minghao swears he’d sell his soul to make Jun happy, do anything to make sure he’s always happy. His best friend’s eyes are watery, but aren’t puffy on the outside. He still looks wonderful. 

“Minghao,” Junhui exhales shakily and Minghao is crying too because he remembers when they first met, the first time he ever heard Junhui speak, there was something in his voice that spoke of childhood. Now there is else, something in Jun's voice that sounded so much like despair, the type of despair that communicated being forced to grow up too fast, being thrown into the big bad world. Minghao hates whoever did that to him. Knows that part of that blame goes to himself. 

 

Minghao’s friend -best friend- brings his shaky hands up to cup Minghao’s jaw and Minghao covers them with his own, lets his eyes slide shut. 

“Promise me,” Junhui mutters and he is so close Minghao can feel his breath on his lips. 

Minghao pulls Junhui closer so their torsos are against each other without even opening his eyes.

“Anything,” Minghao exhales more than says, “Anything, Junhui. I’d do anything for you.”

Jun’s shoulders shake and Minghao pulls their foreheads together.

“Promise me, when you fall in love, they’ll be good. Promise me they’ll be good to you.”

Minghao nods and a tear slips from his eyes.

“They’ll be good.”

Junhui nods and moves away from Minghao, lets his head rest on his shoulder instead.

“I love seventeen more than I’ve ever loved anyone, Hao, you know that? You will always come first for me.”  
Minghao can’t help feeling that last sentence was meant for only him. 

“Jun,” Minghao murmurs and that is enough. 

 

* 

The next morning, Seungcheol rounds them all up. His eyes are watery but he is smiling. He tells them he’s sorry, that he’s ready to debut and leave his ‘friend’ behind. Jun and Minghao hold hands and when Seungcheol tells them that ‘Guys, you are my family, my brothers. I love you all so much and I’m sorry i drifted there for a bit,’ Minghao squeezes Junhui’s hand and Mingyu kisses Wonwoo, right in the middle of their dorms and no one is surprised. It turns out that both Mingyu and Wonwoo had told every single member without each other knowing about it. Everyone laughs and then everyone cries and Minghao is so glad he’s here, with the people he loves.

 

IV.

It is three o’clock in the morning and both Junhui and Minghao are left splayed on the cool wooden floor of the Pledis practice room. Both of their chests are heaving and Minghao cannot name a place in his body that does not hurt. Tomorrow night, they debut. All of the training and the hard work will pay off. Minghao traces the twirling patterns on the ceiling with his eyes as he exhales.

“Bro,” he says and he hears Junhui stir and roll over onto his side so he can face Minghao. 

“I’m so tired and so scared. I’m so so scared man.”

“What of?” Junhui asks, though it’s obvious.

“That I’ll fuck up. That no one will show. That something goes wrong.”

Jun huffs a laugh and intertwines their fingers.

“We’ve practiced so hard, Hao,” he says softly, “and Manager hyung will make sure everything goes well and you and I both know people will show up. We’re going somewhere Hao.”

“Thank you,” Minghao says suddenly, turning to face Junhui. His friend looks confused.

“For being here with me for all this, for putting up with me.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Minghao smiles and Jun lies back down. Minghao carries on tracing the ceiling. 

“Did you know Mingyu thought we were dating?”

Jun laughs.

“No, I didn’t but I know that everyone else did aswell.”  
Minghao’s eyes widen.

“They did? Why?”  
“Mainly because of that picture, ya know that one of us in bed? and just because I guess they saw the way we interact with each other.”  
Jun scratches his head awkwardly. 

“Jihoon said we look at each other differently to how we look at everyone else.”  
Minghao’s breath leaves his body.

“We do?” he asks and his voice, even to his own ears sounds strangely hopeful. Minghao does _not_ want to know what’s up with that. Everything falls into place. Minghao is stupid. He knows what’s up with that.

“Yeah,” Junhui breathes, “I guess we do.”

Minghao turns to Jun and his breath gets caught in his throat. In this light, Junhui is soft. His brown hair falls over his forehead and his eyes are wide and shining. His face is highlighted with a light sheen of sweat and his lips are wet and pink. It is late and Minghao’s guard is down so, for once, he allows himself to imagine what it would be like if he had the courage to kiss him, if he wasn’t so scared of what would become of he and Jun if he did. 

“Do you like me, Jun?” Minghao asks instead and Junhui looks at him. He is not surprised. He was expecting this. Jun licks his lips again and Minghao watches him, watches his adams apple bob as he swallows. In his sleep-deprived state, he wants to bite it. 

“I’m deciding,” Jun says and Minghao closes his eyes and leans forward so his mouth is on Junhui’s ear. He bites down on the lobe, tugs it a bit.

“Tell me when you decide,” he says and relishes in the feeling of Jun shivering against him. 

“Do you,” Jun swallows thickly before beginning again, “Do you like me?”

Minghao allows his gaze to trail across Junhui’s face, takes in the pupils, slightly blown and the pink haze on his cheeks. Minghao decides he’d quite like to kiss Jun when he was in his right mind. 

“Yeah,” he says, “Maybe.”

 

*

Jun and Minghao sleep in the same bed that night for the first time in a year. Minghao watches Jun’s sleeping form, admires how perfect Junhui is and how perfectly their hands fit together. Minghao wonders if he has always been in love with Jun. He decides he has been.

 

(Minghao wakes up panicking, sucking in huge breaths and he’s so so worried about what happened last night, about how he’d never even thought about having feelings for Jun seriously before that moment last night, about how people would react to him being in love with a boy and a million other things. The sheer expanse of his newly recognised feelings lay heavy in his heart and Minghao can’t work out if he likes it or not. Jun startles awake and is immediately sitting up next to Minghao, making him learn he can love who he wants.)

 

 

V.

Seventeen have just debuted. All thirteen of them are crammed inside the same van, adrenaline dying down and realisation setting in. Years of hard work, blood, sweat and tears and it was all over. Everything their lives had been leading up to was over. Before they went on stage, Minghao had been frightened - terrified even- until Junhui had come up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist and the world had gone back to normal again. Jun had pressed his face into Minghao’s hair and murmured ‘this is it’ before he was gone and they were on stage. 

 

Now, both Minghao and Junhui were on the backseat, crammed next to Chan and Hansol. Minghao was tucked into Jun’s side, head leant on his shoulder.

“I can’t even believe that happened,” Minghao says and Jun hums in agreement, the sounds causing Minghao’s shoulder to vibrate where it’s resting against Jun’s chest. 

“Second best time of my life,” he says and Minghao sits up to look at him. 

“What was the first?” he asks and Jun gives him a greasy smile.

“When I met you.”  
“For God’s sake,” comes Jihoon’s voice from the seat in front of them, “First Mingyu and Wonwoo in a fucking face lock and now Minghao and Jun finally realising they are actually in love with each other. Yay, guys, we debuted but I’m not going to turn to Soonyoung over here and passionately make out with him, please calm down.”

There is a stunned silence before everyone bursts into laughter.

 

*

Jun kisses Minghao for the first time when they are back in their room. He pulls Minghao to the middle and pulls him close.

“Minghao, I sort of love you.”

Minghao laughs.

“Junhui, I sort of love you too.”

Junhui surges forward and kisses Minghao until he’s dizzy, like Minghao is water and Junhui hasn’t drunk for days. Their teeth clash and they bite at each other’s lips harshly. Minghao knows exactly what they look like, knows that they too are kissing hungrily, passionately, look like they’re trying to climb inside of each other. Junhui sort of makes Minghao want to die when he groans, low in his throat and Minghao exhales slowly and he is so in love with junhui he is full of it. 

“I love you,” he says against Junhui’s neck and then he bites down and Junhui lets out a _whine_ and tugs at his hair.

“So much,” he replies breathily.

 

That night, Junhui maps out his whole body, touches him so much he could not have left anything under Minghao’s skin uncovered. He re-writes the bible, tilts the world on its axis then rights it again. He is the most beautiful thing Minghao has ever seen and he cannot believe it took him years to realise it. He thanks his lucky stars that whoever grants prayers was listening to him that night when he asked if he could be as in love with someone as Mingyu and Wonwoo were with each other. 

 

 

VI.

The next morning, Minghao wakes up in Jun’s arms and does not hesitate to kiss him. 

“You know,” Jun begins when they are both awake and functioning again, “I first knew I was in love with you when I saw you dance for the first time. You know I watched you and I finally understood why you did it. And why everything you did when you weren’t dancing was a waste of time. Your face when you dance, it sort of makes me wanna jump you right there but I’m a good person and don’t believe in public sex. I thought about it the other night and remembered what I first thought about you and think about you now. I fully understand now why I love you. And why anything I do when I’m not with you is a waste.”

Minghao’s heart is about to burst and Junhui is blushing. 

“Remember when you made me promise that whoever I’m in love with, they’d be good to me.”

Jun hums in affirmation as he traces lazy patterns against Minghao’s hipbone. 

“You’ll be good to me, right?”  
Jun stops for a second and looks up, surprised. 

“I- of course I will. I’ll be good to you forever.”

Minghao smiles and kisses Jun again. 

 

 

 

vii.

 

Love feels like Minghao is being remade, like he is constantly torn apart and pieced back together again. It hurts like a bitch sometimes and being an idol along with it causes a lot of problems but Minghao had been in ‘healthy’ love with Jun for years and he supposes that is all that matters.

 

 

 

It is a Sunday that Minghao wakes up next to the love of his life, in the second only home he’s ever known.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this was actually four thousand words of wordvomint. i wrote this in three hours. there was no set plot or anything and i have no idea if the storyline works or whatever but here we go. you can hit me up on my tumblr @jeongquq (would link but im on mobile right now) if you have any questions! thanks for reading


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